Don't Know You Anymore
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Shonenai. Relena always thought that she was perfect for Heero. She thought that she showed him everday how much she loved him. So, when he left her, she was confused. Now, she is going to find out why.


Petra: Lately I've been writing a lot of Relena POVs. It's really weird but, I find, that she has many stories to tell if we could just let them out, instead of hating her. I don't know, whatever. Anyways, I thought this story would be cute because, in all the stories, you always see Heero as the one ruining in the relationship well, I thought, it was time that Relena was the one who ruined it. So, here it is because, dammit, she's not perfect!  
Kati: Damn right!  
  
DEDICATED: To everyone who has only realized what they had when it was too late  
WARNING: Relena POV, sorta self-mutilation (nothing really big, just fingernails digging into skin), cussing in Author's notes, shonen-ai (though if you really don't want to believe it, you could just disallusion yourself ^_- though it will be kinda difficult)  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing nor do I own 'I Don't Know You Anymore' written and sung by Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones/Savage Garden (whom I also named the kids in the story after)  
  
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Don't Know You Anymore  
  
"Whether joyful or sorrowful, the heart needs a double because a joy shared is doubled and a pain that is shared is divided." -Ruckett  
  
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-|+|- I would like to visit you for a while / Get away and out of this city / Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break / We can go sit on your back porch -|+|-  
  
Stupid really, that's what she was. Relena Peacecraft stared up at the large house out in the suburbs of Chicago. She kept wishing for something that she herself had thrown away. The phone call was still vivid in her mind. When the letter from the private detectives had finally come with the information, she had given up almost all hope in ever finding him. She had immediately called the number they had supplied her with and hadn't been really surprised when Duo Maxwell had answered. He had stared at her in surprise for a moment and, before she could even ask, he had called Heero over. Heero had been surprised also, and then defensive. Not that she could blame him, after all, she was the was one who had ruined it…  
  
-|+|- Relax / Talk about anything / It don't matter / I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me -|+|-  
  
She was proud that her hand was only shaking slightly when she rang the doorbell. There was a shuffling in the house and then the door opened to show a Heero she had never thought she'd see. He was wearing ripped jeans that were loose and baggy with a dark blue shirt that had paint stains on it. Seeing her looking at his shirt, he smiled slightly and said, "I was painting Darren and Daniel's room for the fortieth time." She smiled in response and he invited her inside. "We'll go sit on the back porch. I'll get us the lemonade; it's straight through there." Relena nodded and watched as he walked off in bare feet to the kitchen. She walked through the hall but stopped when she saw the pictures lining the wall. One had Duo and Heero standing in front of a beautiful church with white flower petals raining down, each looked incredibly handsome in their happiness. More had the two playing with their two twin sons and new daughter, each seemed so happy.   
  
-|+|- Because I don't know you anymore / I don't recognize this place / The picture frames had changed and so has your name -|+|-  
  
For a minute, she felt overwhelming sorrow at the idea that those could have been pictures of Heero and her with their children. Then, before she could get anymore depressed, she walked out to the back porch. Just a few minutes after she sat down he came out carrying a tray with a large, shaggy tan dog nipping at his heels. He was laughing and the vision he made to the girl sitting there was one that made her heart ache. He set the tray down and, grabbing the dog by it's collar, he dragged it to the screen door and pushed it outside, where it immediately saw a rabbit and gave chase. He grinned and then sat down, pouring the lemonade into the glasses and handing one to her. "Heero Maxwell, huh?" she asked, and he nodded. "Why not get it jointed, like 'Maxwell-Yuy', or 'Yuy-Maxwell' perhaps?"   
  
-|+|- We don't talk much anymore / We keep running from the pain / But what I wouldn't give to see your face again -|+|-  
  
He shrugged and then said, "My name holds little to no meaning to me. It was my codename. I don't think I ever really had a name. Duo's name…" Relena watched as his smile became rather dreamy and his eyes sparkled with happiness. "Duo's name, it has so much meaning to it. I liked the idea of me having a name with meaning in it. I would have changed the first one, also, but Duo wouldn't let me." His dark blue eyes were lost in memories. "He said that I was his Heero and he refused to let me change my name. So I didn't." His eyes refocused on Relena and he made a sound low in his throat, his cheeks stained suspiciously pink. "So, ano… how are you?"  
  
-|+|- Springtime in the city / Always such a relief from the winter freeze / The snow was more lonely than cold if you know what I mean / Everyone's got an agenda -|+|-  
  
"I'd doing okay. It's been a long winter though." He nodded, hearing the double meaning behind it. "Your house is beautiful. I absolutely love it! It's so beautiful out here." She smiled at him, trying to hide her nervousness. He stared at her and then asked, "What do you want, Relena-sama?" She couldn't help but flinch at the formal tone. What had happened to just 'Relena'? She sighed and looked down at the hands that were clasped on her lap. Carefully, she unwound her fingers and stared at them. Long nails had left moon-shaped marks on the back of her hands.   
  
-|+|- Don't stop keeping your chin up you'll be alright / Can you believe what a year its been / Are you still the same? / Has your opinion changed? -|+|-  
  
"I…" She couldn't say it. She couldn't say anything so, instead, she blurted out the question, "How long have you had your daughter? My information didn't say that you had a daughter, just two twin sons." He didn't even blink at the abrupt change in topic but he did sit back, something very much like a sigh, escaping his lips. "She's about five or so and we've had her about two years or more." Relena smiled and asked, "What's her name?" For a minute Relena didn't think she'd get answer, as he suddenly stared down in his lemonade as if held every answer in the universe.   
  
-|+|- Because I don't know you anymore / I don't recognize this place / The picture frames have changed and so has your name -|+|-  
  
After a long, uncomfortable silence he replied, "Helen Relena Maxwell." Relena's eyes widened in surprise. "She looks like you and sometimes she acts like you, minus the obsessive qualities." His smile was so gentle that Relena felt her fingernails begin to dig into her thighs and, carefully, so he wouldn't notice, she managed to loosen her fingers. "She's all blonde hair and blue eyes and happiness." He smiled at her and Relena, despite the face that she kept telling herself she was over him, felt herself melt. "She always refuses to fight. She's very cute. I'm sorry you couldn't meet them but they're at school and Duo's at work."  
  
-|+|- We don't talk much anymore / We keep running from these sentences / But what I wouldn't give to see your face again -|+|-  
  
"I…" Relena, the always eloquent diplomat, found herself fumbling for words and took a drink out of the glass. "I, wanted, no, needed to talk to you again. To see how you've changed. Even if we were dating, we were still friends." He frowned at her for a moment and Relena could see the old Heero. "Do you…" she paused, not sure if she should ask the question. "Do you still think that I didn't let you in?" He looked surprised at the question.  
  
-|+|- I know I let you down / Again and again / I know I never really treated you right / I've paid the price / I'm still paying for it everyday -|+|-  
  
Before Heero could say anything, Relena barged on. "Because I really did love you, Heero. I still do! I never thought I'd see you living out here, though, but it really does suit you, when I actually see you." Her laugh sounded a little strange and she was surprised to find that she was holding back tears. "I always imagined that this is how you would act, once you began to open up. I didn't understand why you didn't… but you did for him…" Heero looked away from her for a moment and turned back, looking her straight in the eyes, as he said, "Relena, you never really gave me all you had."  
  
-|+|- So maybe I shouldn't have called / Was it too soon to tell? / Oh what the hell -|+|-   
  
She opened her mouth to object but Heero didn't let her. "Do you know that Duo told me he loved me before New Years Eve?" They both knew which New Years, the one in which Relena had been kidnapped, the last war, and right before they had started dating. Relena stared at him in shock and surprise. "When I got the details that you'd been kidnapped, right as I was leaving, he pulled me aside and told me, so gently, that he loved me." Heero was now staring at a point on the wall beyond Relena's head. "He told me that he had to tell me now, because he knew that once this was over you were going to tell me the same." He locked eyes with her. "Then, he kissed me gently on the lips and said that I should go. He had told me what he had to. I should go, because I would be happier with you and that he only wanted me to be happy, even if it was with someone else." He looked at her for a long moment and the continued, "Even if it was you."  
  
-|+|- It doesn't really matter / How do you redefine something that never really had a name? / Has your opinion changed? -|+|-  
  
"We had something… special, you and I. Whatever it was, it was romantic and it was poetry and it was perfect except…" He looked back down at the glass he held in his hands. "Except… you always came home late. You always had your job first, your public second, and me third. By the end of the year, I barely saw you. You would come home, eat, and then fall asleep. We never talked. I loved you, Relena, but you didn't love me; not like I loved you and not like I deserved to be loved. I kept hearing Duo's words, how he was so ready to let me go as long as I was happy, even if it was with you. The thing was, though, I wasn't happy. I hadn't been happy for a long time. It didn't take much to decide that to stay in this relationship wouldn't be healthy for either of us. So I left. I have no regrets."  
  
-|+|- Because I don't know you anymore / I don't recognize this place / The picture frames have changed and so has your name -|+|-  
  
There was another long pause and then Heero continued, "Do you know that he was waiting for me what I got there? He didn't yell at me because I had left him for you. He simply pulled me into his arms and…" Heero let out a sad laugh. "And he told me that he was so sorry it hadn't worked out between you and I. He was always there, when the nights became too long without you, I could call him at two in the morning and he would wake up and talk with me. He was there and you weren't. You never gave me all you could have… and I'm sorry, because I really loved you. We had something that couldn't be defined… but it's gone now."  
  
-|+|- We don't talk much anymore / We keep running from the pain / But what I wouldn't give to see your face again -|+|-  
  
Relena sat there, blinking back tears, aware that if she didn't stop squeezing she would soon cut her palms with her nails. She finally stopped, right before it felt like the nails would break skin, the great amount of physical pain managing to draw her out of the emotional. It was all true; she had never been there for him. Even after he had left Duo for her, she hadn't made time for him. She'd chased him and chased him and then, once she'd caught him, she hadn't appreciated what a gift he'd given her. She looked up and smiled, lips trembling slightly as she made sure that Heero didn't see the marks she had made. "I think that I'd better go, Heero-kun." She felt one tear slip out from the corner of her eye and travel down her cheek. "I don't recognize you. You're not the man you once were but I'm happy for you, for what you've found." Heero nodded and walked Relena down the long hallway until they stood by the door. "I'd like to keep in touch, Heero-kun…" she trailed off, unsure of herself. "Meet Duo-kun again and the kids?" Heero smiled and nodded, opening the door for her. "Thank you. See you around?" Heero nodded again and then gently closed the door.   
  
-|+|- I see your face / I see your face -|+|-  
  
Relena Peacecraft walked carefully down the stairs, got in her car and then drove away. As soon as she was two blocks away, she pulled into the driveway of another house, whose lights were completely out, and let her forehead lean against the steering wheel. Then she cried as her memories and his words assaulted her. She had lost him. She had really lost him. There were no more 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts'. She had driven him away and she had lost the only person she'd ever really loved. "Heero," she whispered. She compared the Heero she had known to the one she had just met. So warm, friendly, and open instead of frigid and unyielding. It was her fault he left and Duo's love had made him happy. Slowly, the tears ceased and she dried her eyes, looking with sorrow at the moon shaped marks on the palms of her hands. She lowered the mirror on the dashboard, redoing her makeup, and fixing her hair. Then she started the engine and drove away, back to her lonely apartment and her lonely existence. She had driven him away… and now she had paid the price, was paying for it everyday... because she hadn't loved him enough.  
  
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
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Petra: Well, there it is. What do you think? Do you think I do good Relena POVs? Do you think I need to stop with the Relena POVs?   
Kati: Hell yeah! If you're going to do Relena POV, kill the bitch!  
Petra: Kati! Be nice!  
Kati: *glares* I'm a muse, I'm allowed to be as bitchy as I damn well please!  
Petra: Really, I don't know what to do with you! AND WILL YOU STOP TELLING ME TO WRITE!!!  
Kati: *borrows Heero-death-glare* WELL THEN WRITE!!! *turns to readers suddenly* And you people! What are you looking at?! GO REVIEW!!!  
Petra: Kati!!! *to readers* I sincerely apologize-   
Kati: *grabs Petra who starts to kick* C'mon, you have to work! Go review, people. And, if you liked this, check out 'Precious Gifts' and 'Tearing Off the Mask' that she also wrote!  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


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